We have been married for 44 years come this December, and we met in ministry…
In this over sexed and under loved world, people are looking for the real deal, the secret to lasting love with a vibrant sex life. Because of this pursuit for a purer passion, the most asked question we get when it comes to Red Hot Romance is,
“What is okay with God?”
God gives only a few clear commands on what is and isn’t permissible with the gift of sex He created. Instead of a list of “no-no’s” let’s look at His guidelines in the affirmative:
You can say YES if you:
Yield to one another: Everything done is agreed upon.
And over all these virtues put on love, which binds them all together in perfect unity. (Col 3:12-14)
♥ Cover your husband’s eyes with your hands or a blindfold and ask, “What would you most like to see?” If his answer is agreeable to you, do it. If you are uncomfortable, Ask, “What else might you want to see?” Keep the game going until you hear a wish you can fulfill.
Extend it in love: No one should ever feel forced or coerced in sex. The sex acts should reflect love, not demean or inflict pain. Sex is a relationship to be protected not a person to exploit.
Marriage must be respected by all, and the marriage bed kept undefiled. (Heb 13:4)
♥ Take time to kneel and pray at the end of your marriage bed and claim your love as a reflection of God’s love. As a token of fidelity, select a scent or fragrance that symbolizes purity to you (a lily, a rose, mint, etc) and spray your sheets and enjoy each other sexually. Keep this scent on your bed stand and use often, then whenever and where ever you happen to smell that fragrance, you will be reminded of the joy and pleasure of committed marital love.
Secure it with privacy: Sex should only be you two alone: Your marriage bed is yours and yours alone. (No other partners, no pornography, no fake imitations of body parts). Sex between the two of you should be a secret. Why settle for anything fake whenyou can create the real thing live and in person? When it comes to grey areas, things not specifically forbidden, applying
1 Cor. 6:12 is a smart choice: Everything is permissible (allowable and lawful) for me; but not all things are helpful (good for me to do, expedient and profitable when considered with other things). Everything is lawful for me, but I will not become the slave of anything or be brought under its power.
Permissible but not profitable: When making decisions for the bedroom, God gives you elbow room to make choices based on personal preferences, but never risk your life, your health or your reputation for a few moments of ecstasy Let’s look at a few grey areas as if they are road warning signs:
Yield: The question to ask if you are weighing out a grey area (like masturbation) is “why?”. Is it to protect your marriage because your mate is away for work or deployed? Or are you finding it easier to pleasure yourself rather than have to interact with your spouse to kindle the kind of love that leads to sexual interaction? Motive makes all the difference. Pray and then yield to what God’s Spirit says about self-pleasuring for you.
Do Not Enter- Danger Ahead: Some things people come up with in the area of sex will make you sick—physically. For example, a risk to your health could be anal sex which because of possible tearing and the possibility of moving toxins into a woman’s vagina and raising possibility for infections. There are other sexual activities and fetishes too graphic to mention so always ask the question: Is this putting me, my spouse, our future or our family in risk in anyway? If in doubt—DON’T do it!
Stop: It is wise to avoid erotica, pornography or behaviors that produce an escalation of risky or unhealthy behaviors which enslave your sex life. If you are not able to feel aroused without visual stimuli or props then you are enslaved. Some sexual props addict your body to a sensation that authentic sex with your mate doesn’t seem to satisfy. Your spouse will perceive this disappointment and it will become a wedge between you two in your sex life and overall relationship.
If you need to say NO for any of the above reasons, state your conviction with a heart of love and kindness. For example, “I love and adore YOU, but I am very uncomfortable with this suggestion of yours. I can NOT go along with this. I am happy to create more memories like (then insert your idea of romance/ love/ sex).” It might cause some quietness or hostility initially, but if your mate loves you, they will want you to agree. If he/she continues in unhealthy suggestions, or becomes angry, or reacts in away way that you feel fearful, contact a third party professional (pastor, counselor) for help.
♥ Why settle for “shades” of anything when God’s pattern produces red hot love? Follow the pattern of “I only have eyes (and hands) for you” in Song of Songs. As a gift, clear your schedule, put on some quiet romantic music then touch, caress, compliment and kiss your nude spouse head to toe (Or read the passages and follow the King and his wife’s blueprint for love. See Songs of Songs 4:1-7;5:1-16;7:1-10 for inspiration)
Tips for Red Hot Romance
Saying “Yes!” is a wonderful emotional investment that accumulates interest over time. Choose a fun ways to say “Yes!”:
♥ Write Yes! On the sidewalk squares as it leads to the front door.
♥ Write Yes! On a poster board on the inside garage door.
♥ Write Yes! on the steam on the mirror so when he showers and exits he will see it.
♥ Write Yes! in lipstick, and seal with a kiss on the mirror (or rearview mirror of his car)
♥ Write Yes! In full color and create a photo invitation using a website like picmonkey.com or your computer graphic program.
♥ Call his cell when you know he can’t answer and say, “Yes! Yes! Yes! OH Yes!” and tell him you look forward to seeing him tonight.
♥ Make a series of “Yes!” sticky notes (you can get them in bright pink or shaped like hearts) and place them in random places along his daily path.