We have been married for 44 years come this December, and we met in ministry…
Before writing Red Hot Romance Tips for Women, I began to listen, really listen and survey the men in our audiences. There seemed to be the same set of similar complaints no ma er where around the world we traveled.
The goal of the Red Hot Romance Wife is to counter the complaint with love. Ladies, love has to begin with someone— why not let love begin with YOU! When you become a more loving person, there is NO downside because all your relationships will benefit from you being a more loving you—and you will also be encouraged by God because when you love unconditionally, you are loving like God loves—and God loves that!
So when your husband says (or thinks). . .
♥ I can’t remember the last time I heard, “Thanks Honey!” Now the kids are picking up the entitlement mentality. I don’t want to kids to grow up being spoiled and ungrateful. I wish my wife would see how her attitude of consumerism and bossy drill sergeant is impacting the kids. Whenever I bring it up, there is a fight.
You can be: Appreciative
♥ No matter how much I tell her she is beautiful she doesn’t seem to believe me
♥ She has just let herself go. It’s like she doesn’t even try to look good any more.
♥ She complains that she is gaining weight but she still bakes all these goodies and when I ask her if she will go to the gym with me she says she is too busy.
You can be: Beautiful (healthy) He says…
♥ She gets all worked up. She keeps reminding me to use the right fork, the right plate, say the right thing—she makes me so nervous that it makes say the wrong thing and pick up the wrong fork!
♥ She is so hung up on how we “look” to friends, neighbors, co-workers. I don’t care about climbing some social ladder. Why can’t she just relax and let us all just be ourselves?
You can be: Classy
♥ She asks for help with the kids then criticizes everything I do!
♥ She even gives her opinion on things that we decide I would handle. Can’t she see this makes me feel unneeded, stupid, or useless—who want to feel that way?
You can be: Direct
♥ She has no idea what is going on with me. She has time for the kids. Time for her friends. I get the leftovers.
You can be: Expressive
♥ She doesn’t want to try anything I like – I want her to join me. She just dismisses my ideas for dates and activities.
You can be: Fun
♥ She is beautiful, but I pay for it! She can’t seem to get anything on sale!
♥ Everyone loves her—but they don’t have to live with her! The woman cannot keep house! She doesn’t even try. I work all day then come home and work all night. She doesn’t do dishes, laundry—she doesn’t put ANYTHING away where it belongs! I guess early in our relationship I was wowed by her beauty, then by her lovemaking, which is still great—when we can FIND the bed!
You can be: Good He says…
♥ It drives me crazy when my wife ask me to do something, then if I don’t drop everything and do it right then and she huffs off and does it herself. How can I be her hero if she keeps stealing my cape?
You can be: Humble He says…
♥ It is always the same: same me, same place, some position. I want sex to be with my same wife, just not the same way- always the same way.
♥ She always wants me to do the elaborate expensive dates to woo her, which I try to do. But how about some creativity and variety to wow me?
You can be: Interesting
♥ I can’t pick her up emotionally anymore. Nothing seems to be working.
♥ She can be all yelling at me, then the phone rings and she is all happy and joyful and cheery—what’s that?
You can be: Joyful
♥ Some days are so frustrating. We might begin the day well. Connected. In touch. She flirts. I want. The invitation seems extended, then something with the kids happens, or I say something or do something with no negative intent but she takes it wrong and what looked like a green light become a red like, stop sign and the railroad crossing bar comes down and I know, “Not a chance this is going to happen now.” The tease hurts. I wish she could given me the benefit of the doubt and love me in spite of me.
You can be: Kind He says…
♥ It drives me crazy when she comes behind me and redoes something I have done- like I am a little boy and I didn’t do it right.
♥ It’s the reminding. Like I am 12 or something. “Remember this. Don’t forget that.” And if I do happen to forget, I get the eye roll, a hu and a mumble under her breath, “Do I have to do everything around here?”
You can be: Loving
♥ She is dressing like a so suggestively. I don’t know what she is trying to prove. The kids and I are embarrassed.
♥ I think her heart is drifting from me. She cheated before and I forgave her. . not sure I can go through that betrayal again.
You can be: Moral
♥ Seems she has no idea the pressure I am under.
♥ She expects me to tune into her needs but she has no energy to tune into mine.
You can be: Nurturing
♥ She says she isn’t in the mood because of PMS, but PMS doesn’t last 365 days a year!
♥ She wonders why I am always in my shop, my office or playing ball—I have to do something to distract myself. She isn’t much interested in sex most days, so I need to channel that energy- but then she complains, “You are not interested in me!” I can’t read her mind!
You can be: Passionate
♥ She is so “all about me” in public. Loud, brash, she has to be the center of attention. For once I wish I could be the center of her attention.
♥ Seems I always initiate intimacy and more than half the time I get an excuse. If feel like I should buy stock in an Aspirin company—all the times I have heard “Not tonight I have a headache” If owned a piece of a pain reliever company, I might be miserable, but at least I’d have money in the bank!
You can have a Quiet Spirit
♥ She second guesses my judgment, she constantly corrects me in front of the kids and others.
♥ She says she wants a spiritual leader but she won’t even follow my leadership in the everyday stuff.
You can be: Respectful
♥ It seems like it is always me who initiates it. She brushes me off then I feel hurt or like some pervert just because I want to fulfill the urge God gave me!
You can be: Sensual
♥ She used to do the little things: bring me coffee, iron my shirt, tell me I look handsome, bake my favorite cookies—seems like forever ago any of those things happened.
You can be: Thoughtful
♥ “How do I fight for me with God? Or the poor? Or the homeless? I can’t complain about time she gives to others or I look petty and selfish. I really just miss her. I want her to give me to others—just not forget about me and the kids.”
♥ I don’t think my wife has any idea what my life is really like! She seems oblivious of any of my pressures, deadlines, or stresses. I just wish she would tune in, even a little!
♥ Don’t be so busy doing good that you forget to be good to your guy.
You can be: Unselfish
♥ She just keeps piling on expectations. More and more and more. There’s no pleasing the woman.
♥ I feel like I am fighting for our love—she just quit trying.
You can be: Virtuous
♥ Seems like we are just so tired all the time. No time for sex. No energy either.
♥ My wife is a planner. We have dates marked on our calendar months ahead for weddings, the kids sports, vacations. She even notes obscure holidays. I’d trade Ground Hog Day for Husband Day any year!
You can be: Wise
♥ She hates it when I compare her cooking to my moms, but my wife doesn’t even try to cook my favorite meals. Food might not be a big deal to her, but it speaks volumes to my soul.
♥ I love being in the kitchen cooking with my wife. Time coking together is sexy. Working in a space where our bodies consistently touch is nice. When we get busy I really miss this casual me of connecting.
♥ She doesn’t cook, help with dishes, grocery shop—she somehow sees it all as beneath her, like a servant or a maid. But if she isn’t doing it, then I am left to do it, so am I the butler? Wish we could be in the kitchen together, or take turns caring for each other this way.
You can be: Yummy
♥ It’s the same old, same old. How can we break this rut!
♥ I knew we were in trouble when she started buying and wearing annel night gowns and wool socks to bed.
You can be: Xenophilic
♥ She starts—but doesn’t finish. She begins, but gets sidetracked. I want our marriage to be a priority. I want her to be distracted by me!
You can be: Zestful
From the book Red Hot Romance Tips for Women