We got married because we love the way we interrupt each other’s lives. To be sure, we share the same purpose of wanting to please God in our lives and help others have healthy relationships. We also have a great friendship that would be strong even if we weren’t married. But, we said, “I do,” because we are highly attracted to each other and have a way of making each other feel special.
This is one of God’s great gifts to married couples. In Red Hot Monogamy, we point out there are at least 5 reasons God created us as physically intimate beings:
Procreation (Gen. 1:22) – we are all here because our parents “became one.”
Recreation (Gen. 26:8) – marriage was designed to be fun at its own unique level.
Reconnection (1 Cor. 7:5)- spiritual passion leads to marital passion!
Rejuvenation (Song 2:5) – physically intimate couples experience endorphins and other health benefits.
Proclamation (Eph. 5:31-32) – marital unity displays the love that Christ has His people.
Red Hot Monogamy is a powerful tool that will keep couples connected during the inevitable transitions of life. The world we live in tries to separate us when life is difficult. We are prone to blame one another, shame one another and refrain from contact when life’s demands are their highest. It is, however, at these moments that we need each other the most. For this reason, we schedule romance and passion with the same determination we schedule business appointments. We figure if it’s important to connect, it’s important to put it on the calendar.
Sometimes you have to be pretty creative to make it all work. One of the hardest transitions of our life was our decision to move from the Senior Pastorate to a full-time conference ministry. I (Bill) loved being a pastor. The preaching was exhilarating, the leadership challenge was motivating and helping people find perspective was deeply satisfying. No one, however, can do it all. Working at two demanding careers finally caught up with me as I was diagnosed with high blood pressure. It runs in my family (my dad, granddad and sister all faced this same struggle) so I knew I had to take it seriously. At an emotional level, it felt like I was choosing between my kids! There was nothing Pam could say that would make things right. There was nothing she could put in my life that would take the place of being a pastor. She could, however, love me in a way that no one else on earth can do. At the same time, all three of our sons were graduating (graduate school, college, high school). We inventoried our frequent flyer miles and took up a friend’s offer to use their home in Hawaii for a family vacation and planned marital connection. It didn’t take away the agony of the transition but it protected my perspective about the things in life that last.
We know life will change. We know you will not like some of the changes. We also know you will have a much better chance of sticking together during the tough transitions of life if you schedule time to keep passion alive!