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Sex is not a Dirty Word

One reason Bill and I endorsed our friend Sharon Jaynes book, Lovestruck.  is because so few of us Christian writers are brave enough (or crazy enough) to tackle this VITAL topic –from a BIBLICAL viewpoint. We KNOW Sharon and her husband. They have a fabulous, loving, long lasting marriage– one that is a great role model to follow. We also know Sharon’s terrific track record of teaching the Bible. Her resume includes being a part of getting Proverbs 31 ministry growing in its early days, then she launched the very popular daily devotional blog and speaking team, Girlfriends in God. Sharon is also the creator of The Praying Wives Club — with over 100,000 followers! (and the new Praying Wives membership community), author of Praying for Your Husband from Head to Toe (which sits on my bedside table to keep me kneeling before God praying for Bill)  Actually, Sharon has  written a long list of books to help strengthen a woman’s life, with ENOUGH being one of my favorites.

As the authors of Red Hot Monogamy, we see daily, the need for leaders to teach God’s plan for intimacy– and Sharon does it well in her new book, Lovestruck and its companion bible study guide.

Make a date with your mate, read this blog, and then put the “Do Not Disturb” sign on your door and apply it!  Enjoy the wonderful, precious, marriage-strengthening gift God created. You can thank us later!

Now, let’s hear some of Sharon’s wisdom from the Word: 

Sex is not a Dirty Word

Sharon Jaynes

*This post might make you a little uncomfortable. It makes me a little squirmy. But I encourage you to read it, save it, and maybe print it out. There is going to be a daughter, Granddaughter, or friend who is going to need to hear it one day. It might even be today. *


My maternal grandmother had twelve children. My paternal grandmother only had six (which I say tongue in cheek). They were both farm girls back in the early 1900s. I’m sure birth control never crossed their minds. When I was a teenager, I asked my paternal grandmother how she prevented getting pregnant back in the day. Horrified, she turned to me and replied, “I just didn’t do the evil thing!”


I laughed. She didn’t.


No disrespect to Grandma, but if anyone says that sex is evil, dirty or shameful, we have an entire Bible to contradict them. God created the gift of sex for a husband and wife to enjoy in the safety of marriage and called it good. We are to honor marriage, and guard the sacredness of sexual intimacy between wife and husband (Hebrews 13:4).To honor something means that you put a high value on it; you esteem it as valuable. Sex within marriage is a good thing; it’s a God thing.


Sex has been used to sell everything from movie tickets and clothes to shampoo and corn chips. Advertisers refer to the sleek and seductive allure of certain cars as sexy. They tout the tingly freshness of a certain toothpaste that will supposedly make the opposite sex want to lean in for a kiss. Commercials show a man’s electric razor enticingly sliding over his chiseled jaw, promising irresistible sexual attraction. Advertisers agree: sex sells.


I don’t want you to get me wrong. I don’t think sex is a bad thing. God created sex, and he considers what he made “very good” (Genesis 1:31). I believe the problem is not that our culture focuses on sex too much but that it values sex too little. 


Sex is meant to be so much more than a physical act of carnal urges. Sex was created to be a sacred union between a husband and wife, designed by a holy, ingenious, and immensely generous God. He isn’t a spoilsport who wants to keep people from having sex, but a loving, masterful Creator who wants husbands and wives to experience passionate physical intimacy for a lifetime. When we understand the weighty worth and sacred significance of sex, we treasure and enjoy it even more.


We are not “less holy” when we are passionately loving our spouse, and we should never be embarrassed or feel guilty about it. I honestly think the Enemy who comes to “steal and kill and destroy” (John 10:10) has done a pretty good job of distorting what intimacy should be between a husband and a wife. Let’s not let him win.


It is easy to think of a marriage as a holy union designed by God. But we must remember that sex is also a holy union designed by God. The Bible says about Adam and Eve: “Now the man and his wife were both naked, but they felt no shame” (Genesis 2:25 NLT).


The oneness that occurs in physical intimacy is not matched in any other way. If you strip away the spiritual and emotional significance of sex, it becomes a physical source of pleasure that lasts for a moment. When you grasp the God-intended dimension of the physical union, it becomes a renewal of the marriage covenant that lasts for a lifetime. Peterson’s paraphrase says it this way: “There’s more to sex than mere skin on skin. Sex is as much spiritual mystery as physical fact” (1 Corinthians 6:16 the message).


Solomon understood the gift and the Giver—and he was thankful for both. After he and his bride had consummated their marriage, they glowed in the aftermath.  

I have come into my garden, my sister, my bride;

I have gathered my myrrh with my spice.

I have eaten my honeycomb and my honey;

I have drunk my wine and my milk. 

I have eaten my honeycomb and my honey;

I have drunk my wine and my milk. (Song 5:1)


He was a happy man. No shame. No regret.


When you consider physical intimacy from God’s perspective, rather than the current culture’s perception, you begin to comprehend the depth and breadth—the weightiness and incredible value—of the gift.


Dear Lord, I am saddened at how the world has distorted what you have created in sexual intimacy. Help me to keep a godly perspective of intimacy, and remember that the gift is sacred and sanctioned for marriage.

In Jesus’ Name, Amen.


Here’s a Question for you:

How does knowing that God created and celebrates sex between a husband and wife affect the way you view intimacy with your husband? 


What does God have to say about sex? You might be surprised! Join Sharon in Lovestruck: Discovering God’s Design for Romance, Marriage, and Sexual Intimacy from the Song of Solomon and unlock the secrets to what the Creator intended from the beginning. It will have you asking… “Is that really in the Bible?” This book will also help you:


Replace feelings of indifference and apathy toward your marriage by renewing affection with intentionality and creativity.


Overcome feelings of guilt about your level of desire for physical intimacy by understanding God’s original intent.


Recognize anything or anyone that has crept into your marriage to cause tension and create healthy boundaries.


Replace natural feelings of hurt or resentment by offering supernatural grace and forgiveness.


Regain the passion of the early years by remembering and returning to what brought you together in the first place. 


Discover the warning signs of growing separateness by taking steps to strengthen the friendship.


Recalibrate the direction your marriage is headed by starting with the end in mind.


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