Curious couples consistently wonder what it is that really makes marriage work. I (Bill) am curious too! We can all sense when our hearts are in sync and things are good. It is elusive, however, to describe how this emotional, relational and spiritual magic is solidified in a marriage relationship. While developing a new APP for husbands, HER BEST FRIEND, I had the opportunity to reflect on years of relationship ministry and recent research.
After years of exploration that has led to books, articles and clinical papers, the conclusion is simpler than any of us expected. The success of your marriage comes down to the quality of your friendship with your wife, according to John Gottman, the innovative founder of The Love Lab at the University of Washington (reported in The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work). He and his team discovered that successful couples:
- have “a mutual respect for and enjoyment of each other’s company.”
- “know each other intimately and have an abiding regard for each other and express this fondness” in big and little ways, day in and day out.
- Determine the satisfaction of sex, romance and passion based on the quality of their friendship.
- don’t let the negative thoughts they have about each other outweigh the positive ones.
In other words, friendship is the key. Her Best Friend is a new app to help foster the friendship in your marriage. Almost every man I meet wants to do good things for his wife but runs out of ideas quickly. The app will deliver one idea per day to your phone. If you like today’s idea, apply it in your relationship. If today’s idea seems better suited for others, simply wait until tomorrow because another idea is on its way. Here’s to your friendship!